Pumpkin of the Opera...aka...Phantom of the Pumpkin Patch
Hey work, you made the grave mistake of letting me into your pumpkin painting contest. The rules were simple, take a small sugar pumpkin, and decorate it any way you want as long as you don't carve into it. I think I took the contest a little too seriously.
I probably would've settled for just very simply painting a pumpkin, but I was specifically challenged by a few of my coworkers. They literally came in to my room, and taunted me. What's a guy to do?
Fueled by the incessant workplace taunting, I added more and more detail with each wave of smack-talk. Things like, "Aw bro, I'm going to destroy you." only fed my weird competitive streak.
I knew that I wanted to do a Universal Studios monster from the beginning – even when it was just a lone, painted pumpkin. I chose the 1925 Lon Cheney version of the Phantom of the Opera- because Lon Cheney was the best. However, as time went by, I added cardboard structures cut out with X-Acto knives, papier-mâché, and a blowtorch to the works. Okay, there was no welding…but it was way more time and effort than I should have put into him.
Oh, I failed to mention – this is for a contest at Trader Joe's. This is not some art studio that I'm working at where all my competition are also artists. I literally pouring tons of effort into this pumpkin contest and I really don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm pompous and I JUST HAVE TO WIN ALL THE CONTESTS!! At this point I'm actually expecting to lose because I put so much effort into it.
The organ is made of corrugated cardboard that I cut with an X-Acto knife, taped with blue painters tape and then finished with papier-mâché. I waited overnight till the papier-mâché was dry completely and then I painted directly onto it with acrylic paint. The papier-mâché I went with is simple: little bit of flour, a little bit of water, and strips of newspaper. The "cobblestone" base is 1/8 inch plywood that I cut with a jigsaw and then painted with acrylic paint.
Everything else is painted in grayscale tones of acrylic paint with little cut paper hands and feet and a cape made of heavy duty paper towels that I drenched in ink. Lastly, I finished him off with little yarn strands for hair.
Kindergarten Cop Father's Day Greeting Card Now Available!
I'm just talking to a blinking cursor now. ...Kind of like Doogie Howser M.D. Ooooo NPH.
The one main difference between good ol' Doogie and I, is that he liked to make some kind of prolific statement about what he learned in that episode and all I'm going to do is talk about an abusive detective. An abusive detective that goes deep undercover as a kindergarten teacher to find a bad guy.
Honestly, I'm not even going to talk too much about the movie. If you haven't already seen Kindergarten Cop, words just won't do it justice. Seriously though, you should throw this on your Netflix, and get ready for some early '90s action-comedy featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger at his (some say) finest. It's also directed by Ivan Reitman, who made Ghostbusters!
There's a ton of sayings that would have worked well for this card, but for some reason my wife and I constantly say, "Who is your daddy, and what does he do?" to each other...in the most random situations possible. So, it just felt right. Also in the running were, "It's not a tumor!" and "I'm a cop, you idiot!" but I felt like the first one was too insensitive for a get well card and the second phrase would only pander to rude police officers. Sooooo...
Wait, maybe I'm missing a market here.
Anyway, Father's Day is coming up and since our beloved phrase involves the word "daddy", I figured this was a good fit. Plus, it's hilarious.
You can purchase this card for you dad here! I can also make 8x10" prints, but those are available upon custom request.